i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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