did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
MIDGETS
????
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
