the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
