I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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