why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
