i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
