So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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