I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
