True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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