I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
