Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
