I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
