so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
