Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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