I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
