when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
