i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
