meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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