He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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