it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
