there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
