Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
