you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
