You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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