Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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