i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
