I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
vagina is talking i cant
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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