The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's always time for handjobs
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
