remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
