why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
