Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
not ubering you a puppy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
