I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
