Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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