I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
