I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
