Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.

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(513): View more from Ohio

He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs

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(224): View more from Illinois

dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way

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