all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
