Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
