this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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