I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
