You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
