hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
