He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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