I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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