Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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