I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
