I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
