I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was like eating out sand paper
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
