I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
