I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
