She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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