bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
