I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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