But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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