Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
that may or may not have been my penis.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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