Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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